On my trip to Chennai

I need to say i am a kind of an apathetic living being; returned from UAE. I had tried so much to add up weight, when i was at school and college, and now i am trying to become slim again!!!There were so much to think, when you add weight,about climbing steps, using an indian toilet,running after kids,quick moves. I am really sad, that i added weight. Chennai was so familiar to me, i had been to many places all alone, studied, worked, learnt so much, became a mother here. So much associated with the city, i had seen my pains here, my pleasures here. 13 months away from it, now it looks newer again. Bitter part is, my parents had shifted to Tambaram, a very new place to me. Hanging out is the best thing, i love in chennai, i need no one here to hang out with. All alone, i love going to places, churches, malls. No one bothers the other and nothing bothers even. Now i had to depend on my dad, brother just to get into the city, for essential needs. Lucky me, even now, my dad never stops me from going anywhere. Thanks to Metro Trains, without it, my life would have been more bitter @ chennai. i can relax in train, provided i get in at non office hours. 40 mins, i get into the city, have so much time to rest. One fine morning at office hours, i ran to get into the train, it was crowded.the ladies compartment was full, except one seat next to small girl of age 5 - 6. she was wearing a mask, and was without hair. no idea, what prevented other women to sit next to her. i thought, it as a good chance to relax by sitting there. when i sat, the girl smiled, and i smiled too, her mother was sitting in the opposite chair. i generally wont speak during journeys, but i asked her mom, why was she wearing a mask? was it a cold? she said, the little is after a surgery and so... After a little while, the girl smiled at me again. she was cute even though she was without hair. i continued to speak to her mom, "what surgery?" she replied it was a Liver transplantation.It shocked me! I asked her if she was born premature? she said she was a term baby at birth and still she had problems in her liver right from it. thinking some other little one would have transplanted the girl a liver, i asked her again, about the Donor. She said it was her, the mother, who cut her liver into two and had transplanted it to her daughter. I was Numb for a minute and tears flowed from my eyes. i was a bit emotional, but then i just managed to make it up. I then asked where were they going to. She smiled and said T.nager for shopping. I said great, go ahead, have fun. The little one was full of energy to go out. Then i thought to myself, if they had to cry, they should be crying on the past, present and future challenges. Yet they wish to be happy. How much thankful and happy should we be, for we are blessed so much. All i can do for them is to remember them in my daily prayers. God bless them and keep them under his care.

Parenting twins

Sometimes, I don't get time for anything. Friends, relations, colleagues - looks like I am too selfish, I think a lot about them, but communication will be missed. It's hard to explain, and very hard to understand. Looking at the fun aspects of parenting twins, life is too cool, chill with them. It's funny, if I say parenting them is easy. Still, I just have to make it easy, coz I love them so much. 10 reasons why parenting twins is easy------- 10. I get much more exercise than I used to get - lol - I get hungry than usual too 9. I get to everything twice - double checking as a routine 8. I get to shop often - :) just emptying my husbands pursue 7. Best deals- diapers, formula, wipes 6. Feeling like superstar everywhere I go 5. Getting intimate with other twin moms 4. People don't ask me when I m having the next child 3. My twins play with each other 2. I get to read a. Lot, I like it or not, I just have to... Everything new with them 1. Double of everything - love, kisses, hugs, irritations, anger and restlessness.

My balance sheet as on date...

We all measure our happiness in life. I am no excuse. Comparing with my past, I have grown in many ways,in qualities but not in monetary terms. In the career front, I have placed it to the second position. But I have had always regretted for it, still regretting in a way and will regret too. Looking at my girl friends I sometimes envy them, for having a dual life. I also see their extreme pressures and deadlines, yet they have never scared me, since I always love working and earning money. It often comes to me, trouble me and then I always balance my regrets with my kids and tally them. my career was everything to me, my kids were really a miracle. God somehow have looked at me with favour, though I am a bad sinner, He gave me two little, beautiful, boy and girl twins. Now I am their caretaker full time, mom, maid, nurse, teacher, their everything! I have seen people wearing a garland, on their wedding, retirement day. But I am always wearing two beautiful garlands all the time, in my neck, shoulders and hips, sometime one at a time,and sometimes two even. Priceless garlands, God's Grace and His promised love. They drive me crazy, irritated, untidy and so much. Little by little my anger and bps raise and wonders I see, they just vanish by a mere kiss from them. My dreams to work runs all the time, and I am waiting for the day for my kids to be ready. With them I will also grow.

Rains in Mid December 2012

I simply love the Month of December,for no reasons. If there are any, it could be silly, that my birthday falls on this month.Generally, its the dawn of winter, the nice breeze, it makes everything bright like the trees, plants, people even. Winter in UAE is even more interesting! its like the Fairy after the Devil. Desert, extreme climates. Me and me Husband enjoyed it the last time, in 2009. But now, with kids, winter is quite challenging. We have supermarkets here, run by Malayale's. You get almost everything there, which we get in our home. I was looking for this "Karupatti" Jaggery made from Palm tree, to make "ChukkuKaapi" - My mom's instant medicine for relief of anything like cold, cough, head ache, body pain. Unable to find, i asked the mallu guy in the counter, to show where was it. Couldn't find why he always sends the Filipino Guy to Jaggery, everytime, i ask him "KARUPATTI". This time, i went back and told him, if you don't have, tell me you cannot provide, or when can you make an order of it. Dont just show me Jaggery instead of Karuppati. For almost a week, everyone in the family were sick, with the winter bound illness.Me and my Husband, were irritated, because Christmas was nearing, and many works were pending. Frequent hospital visits added our pressure, and fuel to the fire is our Ped. Doctor was on emergency leave, that we had to visit the other lady ped. doc. who was kind of irritating. With only one doctor in the clinic, and too many patients added up our Greif. My Husband never intereferes in the household. any small help asked for, he will do. Else he loves to be lazy at home. And My bad habit, i will do anything, for my kids and Husband, and when it comes to me, i feel bored or not interested. Almost a week, my kids were down, and me with watery eyes, nose and cough, taking care of them. And this "Karupatti" we were so unlucky, we didn't get it. Sometimes, Anto does things so Simply, he bought a pack of readymade instant chukkukaapi and said, this is for you. That evening Review Cons. was due for our son, with the lady Ped. Doc. Anto asked me to start from 4 in the evening, an when we started it was 6. Red was his face, still, he didn't show it. To the Surprise of eveyone, the whole Clinic was crowded with Ped. Patients. When we registered, we were the 25th Patient. Nearly around 3 hours, we were waiting, we saw 2 young girls aged 14 and 10. the elder one sat beside me, and the mother made the younger one sit the elder's lap. I thought, may be because of space constraint, then i recognised, the younger child is wth special needs when i saw her pulling the elder's hair badly. the elder one, was smiling on the younger, i knew it would pain very badly. then the parents came. looking closely the spl. baby was wearing diapers and socks. she couldn't walk and no shoes hence. Three hours, with our twins, and they were with the spl.baby. Everytime, i go to the clinic, the other parents, would look at me, with Pity, to see me running a the back of two, everywhere around the clinic. This time,the spl. Kid draw the attention of everyone. I just thought, if i am little taxed, what would i tell about the girl's parents. They were happy looking after her, not only the parents but also the young sister. we know how much a 10 year old will weigh, i was carrying my son, while the father,of the kid was carrying her, walking in the corridors of the clinic. I saw the mother feeding the little one with sipper, just as i do, with my kids. I simply smiled at the parents, just to hide, whatever emotions i had inside. Met the doc. and returned home, but my heart was little Heavy. Blessed be the Little girl, the elder sister and their Parents.

Taming Emotions and People

I dedicate this blog to Sister Doris, Professor, Literature Department, Holy cross College, Nagercoil. Sr.Doris, is the one who seeded for this thought, in a class, few years ago. As learners of Literature, when she said " Do you know all your dreams can come true?" It looked like a myth and a mystery, yet was so happy to hear. we were all 19 years old, real dreamers in life and career, Her words was more than a Milkshake for the day. we all wish wish for something big and small, realistic and hypothetical.I believe Sr. Doris's thought of dream coming true, is for persistent people, whose focus remains the same all the time. I remember, she said, when you aim something and you believe you get it, with more positive thoughts, when years pass on with a single focus, you will certainly reach, what you had dreamt for. well, I was Sr. Doris's favourite student, that she might have thought, I was focused and persistent. But I wasn't There are a set of people, kind of Niche; we generally are like a camera, we focus on something, taken away by something else, miss the actual focus. Again we focus on something else and try to focus on it. There is no perseverance on the focus. But atleast there is a short term focus. The entire discussion, is for people who are not stronger enough, yet planning to focus and try their luck of making their dreams come true. Coming to the crust"Dreams coming True" I believe taming your emotions and emotions of people, with whom your dream has an effect with, would help you focus more and reach the destination. Taming your emotions, I mean, adapt yourself with the changing situations yet having focus on what you want. Many times, I have realized that i tame myself so badly,that I feel,i will be flexible like a rubberband, with so much pain, i adapt myself to focus. But, whenever, i do so, i end up with depression. focus will fall nowhere here. It is meaningless to tame yourself like a rubberband, while the people connected with your focus, remains unaware of it. Taming people, the coined words looks notorious. isn't it? Taming people alone, without any effort from your side, is like preaching without practising. Like a Hitler, it is trying to have control on others. Controlling other's emotions is a mere silly act. But somehow, you have to win their confidence and support to attain your focus. Intelligence like finding common interests and benefits out of the goal dreamt and Patience, to wait for apt situations would help reach your dream and make it happen. To be more precise, when you look at your mirror with a mindset, that you are ugly and tired, you are. While you look at the mirror with a mindset, that you are beautiful in a unique way, you ae beautiful too. Relationships, is also like a mirror, when you approach them with positive attempts with patience. At the right time, you will reach your dreams. With people it is always, you reap what you sow.

Schedule for the day 1st August 2012

Crazy! Crazy! Crazy!!! Still I want to pen it down just to record, how God is driving me all these days by his grace in parenting my sweet and naughty twins. Morning 4- woke up for Andrea and put her back to sleep 6- woke up in a hurry, thinking I could be late for the day, and yes, I was very late. Started cooking for the day, with coffee for my husband, as he had to be in office late at least by 7.20. Made dosai, lemon rice, capsicum fry. And it was 8.00 already. So he took permission for an hour. Andrea woke up by 6.15, switched on the tv, for less disturbance, for me to cook. I was pampering, as and when she returned kitchen. 8- sharp he left for office, I started with milk for both my twins. 8.45- dusted the shoe Rack and sprayed pest control in it while they where busy with toys, few minutes with them inside the house and very few minutes with the shoe rack outside. 9.30 - started preparing dosai for kids and chutney for kids, anto had it with yellu podi. 10 - started feeding my kids 10.30- started to hospital holding both my twins on my hands and a bag. 10.50 reached hospital and finished the formalities, then hired a taxi, back home by 11.15 Relaxed, and then 11.30 into the kitchen for making pappu rice for kids, with the help of brainy baby CDs. 12.30 - again feeding them 1.15 - put them to sleep. 1.30 - back to shoe rack, 2 - lunch 2.30 - lied down to rest 3.00 - maid called the bell. Assisted her with vessels and kids woke up. 3.30 - made tiffin for them, and 4 - again feeding. 4.30 - playing and dancing with them for rhymes sometime. 5 - made chapaties 6- my hubby came, gave him some snaks 6.20 - made my kids ready for the hospital visit 7 -started to hospital 8.15- back from hospital, relaxed for a while 8.30 - went to kitchen, to make Channa masala, dual roles in the night, since anto left to fix the cable tv issue I was trying to put Andrea sleep and Leander watching tv and cooking, all at the same time, while Leander also fussy for sleep. Made them sleep At 9.00 Finished my cooking at 9.30. 10.00 - I fed kids, while they were half awake. 10.30 anto was back, started with food 11.30 gave medicines and 11.45 at rest. Again on 2nd August morning 5.20 into the kitchen. Without God, I knew I can never do this....

Moving forward !!! - ???

My prayer always used to end This way " God I wish to be a.better person, a good one, probably a 25 % of a human being, of how you want to be. As days I spend in this world passes on, I wish to be a better person and in the days of my end, I should be good enough to see you" Well, like most humans, when I give a glance on my past, I grump on my mistakes and sins, a list of things if would have avoided and another list of things I failed to do. Meaningless emotions yet, a self analysis. Leaving the long past, even the present past, though I have become better in issues, which I thrived to be good all my previous days, I see I am still bad, in new ones. Become a little more rigid with ego, a little stubborn and self conscious. Couldn't stop laughing a myself, and my hardwork of erasing my bad habits from my list, the new ones popping up at various dimensions. More prayer and more focus, would be of a much help. I am moving forward, yet a step back and then two steps in the front again a step back and forth. I know I will be good one day,I understand, I have more lessons to learn here. Guidance from Heaven is what helping me everyday, so will it ever be.