Stop cursing yourself - it Will not help!!!!

Of several years, i had been cursing myself for all my mistakes i had done. I count my blessings and my curses. It was like, whatever i get good things, it was because of my good deeds and whatever bad i get , it was beacuae of my bad deeds.

Ofcourse, i would ask God for forgiveness for my sins, yet will carryon my sins in my shoulders. Now after completing quarter century, my invisible bag is too heavy, even though the addition to my bag was less in the past 2 years.

I wonder how this attitude came into me, but i feel it from the day i know who i am. Every single situation that is a challenge, I react. I just can't be present in the place, where i feel i cannot tolerate(not even a minute). My entire physical body will support my soul, so that whenever, situation occurs which i think, i cannot bear..... I go terribly sick. I will gain someone's attention (who is usually a big person - either by age/ position). I never had the guts to say the truth, rather will show the situation and the way i'm affected by the situation.

I am lucky enough to get people, who had understood me in my past years - they probably would help me come out of my situations.

In the contrary, there were many things which i thought i could do it and i do it. It had amazed a lot of people. People come, they tell me you are really bold.

Marriage, it is different in everybody's view, to me, it had taught so many lessons. My married life is beautiful (but it is not always, just like everybody ;)--) May be, it had made me think something different about myself. I carried my invisible guilt bags quite a few months even after my marriage. But now if i had to carry, then i will have to carry two bags, including my husband's.

Infact in many of our conversations, i had mentioned that, it did not happen beacuse of my guilty bags - being so heavy. Often my husband replies, it's because of his bag that , it did not happen....

Some day it striked my stupid mind ; that to those to whom it happens, they don't have guilty bags????

Some people are really good, yet they have only challenges in life and no comforts!!! (what happened to my theory of guilty beautiful invisble bags????)

I rather learn't something new that the good deeds did not happen to me because i did not wait patiently, till the time the challenge is completed to follow it by the good deeds.... and not because of my invisible bags. I react and escape from the challenge and how could i expect my good deeds to be done without that.

Infact, my invisible bags were thrown somewhere farrrrrr....... as i feel bad about guilts and get our Lord's forgiveness. But i had been searching, for those thrown invisible bags and find it to carry it in my back all these years .

From now, i believe.... I will walk freely without my ("stupid") bags. And i would face the challenge till the time it is over and will be ready to face my good deeds.

Taxi drivers in Dubai

Taxi's in Dubai work almost for 24 hours. They are basically reliable. Anytime a lady can hire a taxi and reach the destination. No matter where the drivers are from, they behave properly.

Since, we rely on taxi's as the means of transport, me and my husband had lot of conversations regarding drivers, the time we hire the taxi.... as it determines the time we reach the destination. I remember my husband telling stories about the availablity of taxi a year back in Dubai. Some times, they had the experience of waiting for hours for a taxi... now we are waiting only for minutes after depression. But one solid factor - taxi's in Dubai is costly - Yet the best and conveinent source of transport here in Dubai .

Taxi Drivers are of various ages, various nationalities, various attitudes.... Yet they all have something in common.... They all are hard working... Blood sweated salaried people. Infact, everyone working here are here to mint money and reach our homes with some investments.

I had seen drivers who speak real good English, yet they are drivers (I think why, dont they work elsewhere). I had seen drivers who are older than 65- 70 with some sickness. (I wonder, why they work so hard at this age - may be to get their daughters married) I had seen drivers who are new (Mostly with them I'll have a quarrel ;)----- ) I had seen drivers very responsible (Trying to meet customers necessity of time - in case the customer needs to go fast, yet safely). All these are my experiences within 4 months.

Infact, it is because of the taxi driver, my notion towards our neighbouring friends (they live to othe left side of Kashmir) had changed. Thanks to that driver. Once i asked the driver to go straight, he heard it as right--- oops i traveled for another 20 minutes (paid 12 Dhirams extra for his mistake) , that was the time i was in a hurry to school; so the way i shouted at him, as if he is my family member -- my GOD... he has to forgive me. (he didn't even spoke a word back). While i said, I'm sorry i was in a hurry-- and i should have reached there before 10 minutes -- i'm late, i had to face the concequences -- which made me bahave so hard -- at the time i paid him.

Another experience i had, when i appeared for an interview in Oxford school. I told him at the time of getting inside the taxi, that i don't know where i had to go except these. (The Oxford school, Al Quasis, near the LuLu Village - near to Sharjah). So he asked for my mobile to enquire the route to his crew. He got clear instructions from them. Then he started. In the middle of the way, he was stuck again, so he called again his crew and got the same set of instructions. After that he kept on coming in round , the same road 4 times. It was Al Quasis.

But he missed the way. So i called the madam incharge, of the school and she gave clear instructions. Even after that he didn't know where he is supposed to go. It was 9.45. My interview time was 9. I stared by 8.15. The madam incharge had told me that the travel time should be around 40 minutes, and it would charge something around 35 dhirams.

It was 47 dhirams at that time. and all i had in hand was only 100 dhirams. I had to come back. So i said, you drop me here. I will manage to go. I don't have money to pay you more than this. He asked- madam do you know the place? I said no! But atleast now i had to go home. So I'm leaving!!! - He said madam please bear with me for sometime and you need not pay me more than this. but wait for another 5 minutes. God was gracious.... I saw the board stating "The Oxford School" at a distance. It was 51 dhirams that time. So i said stop, now i know how to go. (Though i don't know actually how to go). He stopped the meter, it suddenly stated 121. I gave him 51 dhirams and started moving. He said madam - its sharjah so its 121(the place was near sharjah, but not sharjah) . I said - i only have this much - i gave you and started walking. He left the place.

But, since i was in tension - i shouted at him - but he didn't even understood a word. So i clicked the disatisfied button in all the cases. Poor man -- I only pray that he should not lose his job, because of customer's feedback like me. Actually he was kind enough... still my tension made me do so... I feel sorry for him....

Now just like my husband, i even pray after stepping out of the taxi that they should find someone hiring the taxi, as an entire family in their home are living out of their blood sweated salary.

My experience as a teacher in OOIS

Teaching was my fourth job. My experiences in teaching was very different until i joined OOIS. I had never thought it to be a work - but as a hobby. Because earlier I was a tuition teacher and then as a faculty - Online education. So all i knew about teaching was only to make student understand the concept with easy examples so that they can apply it somewhere.

Personally, when i was a student, i remember my distracted mind. So to prevent that, i realized only a visualized understanding would help students understand better. Generally minds visualize everything, apart from studies :)

Powerpoints helped me to overcome distracted minds in my class.

CBSE education was so hard to me till the time I joined OOIS. I don't know actually if I could do accounts for them. But if I could do Economics, certainly i should be able to do accounts too. And I was a teacher for grade xi and xii for the subjects Economics and Business Studies.

On day 1 when we had the teacher's meeting - my supervisor said - teachers are not dictionaries, but they are humans. They may not know everything and incase if it happens for the students to ask something which the teachers are not aware off - She asked the teachers to mention that it would be refered and the doubts will be cleared later.

Teaching being a new profession, I had to work really hard for it. i read twice or thrice the same chapter to understand and derive examples out of it. I start reading the chapter as i sit in the bus in the evening, then prepare powerpoints in the night and early in the morning i read again for my class. I remember sleeping for 3 - 4 hours a day as a new teacher. Week ends; though it was two days, the mornings i seemed to be my husband's wife, and as a teacher for another 10 hours when my husband goes to sleep. I was lucky enough for my husband's habit of sleeping for long hours.

Additional work at school like preparing bulletin boards, files arranagement rather added my pressure towards work. The fact that i need more time as a new teacher for preparation was not considered. I was treated on par with all other teachers.

Infact i was very sincere, as a teacher than my previous jobs - as this profession involued students (they have a life - which they had given it to me - i felt myself being responsible for it). Still it was too taxing - yet to see their pretty faces i forgot my pains. (I saw myself as a sister to them).

I get feedback from my students once in every fortnight to see if i had to change my approach towards teaching. At the end of every working day I felt satisfied and tired to the core. If i had done this in any of my previous jobs, it is sure that i would have given a promotion.

Periodic tests also proved their understanding level. It was pretty good. The supervisor told that she could see me working hard. I was happy enough. Infact two other schools periodically called me to join them and i denied them as i was a teacher here.

Suddenly there was a panel interview, a 20 minutes interview with 4 people with various range of questions. To my knowledge I had done well . For my surprise i was said, that i had to quit the school as i was told that i did not clear my interview after working there for a month with good performances.

There is nothing much to worry - beacuse my work did not correspond to my salary over there. But the fact that i lost my continuity in teaching made me feel bad. And the why factor - has made me feel so depressed.

While on the other side - I gained the love of 52 students . I was somebody - may be a change agent...

Its not that simple to change ourselves. And its highly impossible to change others. Its takes years to change ourselves and it takes a lifetime to change someone else... But if i could change few of them in a month....

Its awesome.... I realized why a teacher is prasied from time immemorial.... A Teacher is somebody great.....

The profession of a teacher is so great.....

The Fun of shopping!!!

In India, I had never felt like what i'm feeling now!!!

Shopping used to be kind of a rare occasion! It had so many other reasons, I was a child then (seen as a child even at the age of 25). one of the favourite pass time is shopping. we had so many realtives and friends coming to our home, and we are ususally used to it.

So shopping was done like 4 times a year or so .... I started to buy more dresses when i started to earn .... but even that time it was not more than 6 times a year.

The other household goods, my mother herself buys it. In my aunt's place, she does it, sometimes i'll be a helper in buying vegetables. I was still a grown up student, even at the time when i started to earn ... My daily routine would be getting up, stay sometime in kitchen, getting ready for office, some 8 hours in office, back to home .... some time listening to kids activities, and then to bed. (worryless life)

Life in Dubai is what i would have never imagined earlier, "Dubai life"....
Here we don't have anybody worth enough to rely, to accept and to trust(except spouses). We make new friends, on mutual understandings, very comfortable life with everything readymade and life here starts, lives and go on only with shopping and shopping malls, along with work and responsibilities.

I wonder when people turn to be so caring after their long visit to foriegn countries. The hidden reason is they realize the importance human care and love.

Shopping is the only entertainment here. Shopping malls - "a mesmorizing place". You will go there with your small list (which would be like an odd one out) and while you return, there would be atleast 10 more things, which u don't know if you really need it. You go again for shopping to buy things for your kith and kin.... The week starts with shopping and ends with shopping and shopping malls.... You wonder why i bought all this at the time of bill....New, clean, attractive products.... that gives comfort.... will be in your home.....
And that keeps coming more and more.... And you realize that you have bought really too much when you pack things for home.....
The fun of shopping was more, when it was done just 4 times a year, or six times a year and it is less when it is done for 3 times a week.




You will feel - why i bought so much only at the time when you pack things to move home.....

A page from my personal diary

Pretty well things had happen inbetween the feeling of embrassment and happiness. Iam new to Duabi. I cooked oats and tomato rice (Hope it tastes good). Me and My Husband left our room, he to his office and I to Our Own Indian School. As per our earlier conversation, we were of the opinion that Our Own Indian School was near to his office. I steped into the school, the security guard offered me his help and I went and gave my resume to the secretary.She spoke well and greeted me with an "All the best".

My Husband asked me to give a call to Ms.Vanitha as I entered the school. But I called her after giving my resume. To my surprize, I was in the wrong school, where I approached the right way. The school's name was "OUR OWN ENGLISH HIGH SCHOOL". And I was looking for "OUR OWN INDIAN SCHOOL".

I called vanitha, and was instructed the school was in AL QUOZ. I remembered, My Husband's friend showing the place where I could get a taxi. I remembered it, But I couldn't cross the road for a long while so I stopped a taxi which is near by. He sighed that he would stop a little far away from the place where I stood.

Now, I had to go back to Silver sands I, to take another copy of my resume for the school, where i'm supposed to give. I said " BUR DUB AI - NEAR TO HOTEL RAMADA - SILVER SANDS I". He said ok. After 5 minutes I asked him, If he could wait for a minute in silver sands and take me to Al Quoz to the Indian school. He nodded. I was thinking that its going to cost too much today, the traffic is also heavy. The driver then spoke to me " ARE U AN INDIAN" I said yes and he then asked "DO U KNOW HINDI" I replied No. He then continued, which part of India you are from "MUMBAI"? I replied "No, from Tamilnadu and i don't know hindi". I then asked him "WHERE ARE U FROM?" He said "PAKISTHAN". I was terrified because i was of the opinion Pakisthanies don't like Indians. I said to my heart God where have You out me in. I replied "Great". He continued "WHAT DO YOU SPEAK THEN" I replied "Tamil".

He missed the way to Silver sands, so he asked, should I take left. I replied " I don't know".With suprise he asked " YOU DON'T KNOW THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE" I asked to take left as i thought so. He continued where i should drop in Al Quoz. I said " in Indian school".

Driver: are U going to pick your children
Anisha: I am applying a job there
Driver: How come you are in Dubai?
Anisha : My husband works here in ENOC
Driver: ENOC is a good company
By the time we reached silver sands, I saw the meter, It was 15.50 Dhs.
Anisha : Please stop here for a minute and I'll be back
Driver: Alright Maam

I went running to the room, to take another resume. When I came back the meter stood in the same price - 15.50 Dhs. I thought I'm great I came so fast. we started again for Indian school.

Anisha : Do you Know Hindi?
Driver: Yes to some extent
Anisha: What do you speak in your home land?
Driver: Afgan Language (that information was new to me)
Anisha: Your family lives in Pakisthan?
Driver: Yes, since three months I'm here

I noticed him stopping the meter at every signal. (I felt great... i said sorry to my heart about my opinion for Pakisthanies). But when it took time for more than 40 minutes travelling to reach Al Quoz, I was scared. We also crossed a toll gate of Dubai (which increased my fear - I said to my heart "I would have left him in Silver sands") But After sometime I saw a board written as Al Quoz (I said to my heart - you idiot how can you think this way). He dropped me in the school. I paid him just 31 Dhs after travelling for more 80 minutes. I said thanks and entered the school.

I met the secretary and gave the resume. Then I went to the Receptionist and requested her to call Ms.Vanitha from the primary department that i wish to meet her.

She asked me which Vanitha i need to meet. I smiled and asked her if there are two vanitha's? I I said " i just have her number to find her". The receptionist replied me that there is only one Vanitha and she is not a teacher but a helper for children in the primary department.
My face turned yellow and pale. I had no words to reply, so i smiled. The Receptionist's look was different and she seemed to ignore my presence. Ms.Vanitha came and the receptionist said
" Vanitha here is a guest waiting for you"

I turned to her simply said "THANKS I GAVE MY RESUME" and started walking towards the exit door. After I took few steps, i heared Vanitha calling me "maam". I turned and I felt her face had an inferior expression on my attitude towards her position. She started " maam i'm working here as an aaiya for the primary department. I spoke with our principal about you. I wish you should get here a job. I then gave her a deep smile and said "Thank You". She offered me to have a cup of coffee. I said I had to go. I said bye and came back.

I took a taxi and this time I was very quite and i don't want to have a conversation with anyone. So i called my husband, told what had happened. He started laughing for more than 2 minutes. But he told something which i remember forever....

"PEOPLE LIKE VANITHA HAVE A GOOD HEART SO THEY MAY HAVE MORE POWER OF REFERENCE THAN A TEACHER" After that i realized her statement "I work for the primary department in Indian School" - (she never mentioned that she is a teacher, but i was the one who took it that way as she was very well dressed). I said to my heart that i should appreaciate her helping tendency.

I called her and asked her to stay in touch, even if i'm not offered with a job there. But she then replied "maam here the vacancies are more, i believe you are a capable candidate. Please do not lose your confidence" I replied "thanks - as i didn't have any other words to speak"

I met Ms. Vanitha a couple of days back in Spinneys, a departmental store near silver sands I.

Promises - Beware of its importance

Human tendency is to do mistakes. This is the phrase that justifies everbody's mistakes. Not everybody murder, steal,takes other's spouse, lie, makes false promises with an intension that deceives someone. But there is something which we all should be aware of..................................


Promises made without knowing the implications might make someone else to do anyone of the above stated. Even if such promises does not result so much it surely makes the person who made it, feel guilty throughout the life. And for the person who is been deceived by a false promise, will feel rejected, the confidence would be shattered causing self pity.

This might look as a common fact, which everybody knows. Many may try keeping the promise, few may stick to it and many will slip over. Being a person who sliped a promise and also being a person deceived, surely will lose self confidence.

Being in a dilema happens for many and it may look like for a week person....
i will try...
may be i can....
i think i may give a try once...
i'm not so sure....
i may not be so comfortable, yet i can manage.....
i'm not sure, but i wish to....
All these statements, will confuse everyone. And promises undertaken on these statements has more tendency to fail...

There will be hundreds of justifications why a promise is not fulfilled, and why a promise made without a surety. Many a time, a person might have no other choice other than making a promise, else they may have to lose something or there might be a constant pestering. People who is generally tender in nature will undertake such promises. Because, the fear of losing someone or something will make them agree with the promise. But problems will twitch immediately after that.

Some people are different, they would accept to undertake a promise and immediately after a little while they would bounce back and procliam that it would not be feasible. This might not be of more damage to both the parties.

But there are people, learning tough lessons, just because they made a promise without understanding its implications. Though the implications are long and stops somewhere, its reflections stays forever. Down the line, they will be paying the price for their guilty throughout their life.

Hence, all this could be avoided for a promise with is in doubt if

The person can make himself strong enough and promulgate that the promise cannot be undertaken as he is not sure of its fulfilment. The statement of a "NO FOR SURE" will put an end. This might seem to be bad, but its reflections will yeild lot of benefits for the future.

The person is so tender, they can get the advice and care of someone, who can perform the work of a guardian.

The person can fully avoid the situation, and makes himself comfortable with essentialities.

The stage of dilema can be well managed using these statements.

I have never done this before, i should get the help of others....
I need time....
No i cannot,give me some other alternative....
I can discuss and let you know later....
I can never do this.....

People who confides with their promises can look themself with great confidence and can get the confidence of many.