Stop cursing yourself - it Will not help!!!!

Of several years, i had been cursing myself for all my mistakes i had done. I count my blessings and my curses. It was like, whatever i get good things, it was because of my good deeds and whatever bad i get , it was beacuae of my bad deeds.

Ofcourse, i would ask God for forgiveness for my sins, yet will carryon my sins in my shoulders. Now after completing quarter century, my invisible bag is too heavy, even though the addition to my bag was less in the past 2 years.

I wonder how this attitude came into me, but i feel it from the day i know who i am. Every single situation that is a challenge, I react. I just can't be present in the place, where i feel i cannot tolerate(not even a minute). My entire physical body will support my soul, so that whenever, situation occurs which i think, i cannot bear..... I go terribly sick. I will gain someone's attention (who is usually a big person - either by age/ position). I never had the guts to say the truth, rather will show the situation and the way i'm affected by the situation.

I am lucky enough to get people, who had understood me in my past years - they probably would help me come out of my situations.

In the contrary, there were many things which i thought i could do it and i do it. It had amazed a lot of people. People come, they tell me you are really bold.

Marriage, it is different in everybody's view, to me, it had taught so many lessons. My married life is beautiful (but it is not always, just like everybody ;)--) May be, it had made me think something different about myself. I carried my invisible guilt bags quite a few months even after my marriage. But now if i had to carry, then i will have to carry two bags, including my husband's.

Infact in many of our conversations, i had mentioned that, it did not happen beacuse of my guilty bags - being so heavy. Often my husband replies, it's because of his bag that , it did not happen....

Some day it striked my stupid mind ; that to those to whom it happens, they don't have guilty bags????

Some people are really good, yet they have only challenges in life and no comforts!!! (what happened to my theory of guilty beautiful invisble bags????)

I rather learn't something new that the good deeds did not happen to me because i did not wait patiently, till the time the challenge is completed to follow it by the good deeds.... and not because of my invisible bags. I react and escape from the challenge and how could i expect my good deeds to be done without that.

Infact, my invisible bags were thrown somewhere farrrrrr....... as i feel bad about guilts and get our Lord's forgiveness. But i had been searching, for those thrown invisible bags and find it to carry it in my back all these years .

From now, i believe.... I will walk freely without my ("stupid") bags. And i would face the challenge till the time it is over and will be ready to face my good deeds.