Parenting - the most toughest and enjoyable human task in Life

Parenting as a discussion, i don't know where to start and where to end. Thousands of ideas are flowing from right to left and left to right in my head. But i would try to concentrate on its importance and certain issues before we come to the end of this blog.

A kind of responsibility, love and ever lasting relationship is what needed for every relationship in a family be it our spouse or our children.

Well, me and my husband, wished to be wed, before all our elders. we had our engagement the day before our wedding.Looking at the photographs, we both looked so fresh on our engagement, but for the wedding our faces looked pretty confused. Couldn't deny, at the church, i had so many questions in mind,

would i make myself a good wife for all circumstances?
Would i manage to take responsibilities of this man and for this man?
Would i manage the entire family stay at happiness for the rest of my life? and so many.

All i noticed, is He was confused, just the way i am. I hardly had a single prayer on that day, God let me take the vows seriously and Give me strength to follow it the rest of my life.

You might wonder, how is this related to parenting, well, i believe, this is the first and foremost step in parenting - the foundation for parenting. Unless, this is taken so seriously(need not be on the wedding day)but for life; the essence of parenting would be lost.

I have always wondered at nuns and fathers, who has a history of giving practical solutions to family problems and parenting issues. It had surprised me, till the time i realized something funny about myself as a teacher. In-fact i was not a teacher for more than 2 years, i was able to motivate and make my students feel the way i did; which is a very difficult task for the same talented person to do as a parent. I personally know a successful counselor of a high school, who counsels the entire school especially the students, took her son to a different person to counsel.

Probably this is the reason, why nuns fathers and counselors (in general)are successful at giving solutions to family and parenting issues.

Myself and my husband, loved to have children soon after our wedding, but we least know about parenting till now. May be just like the counselors, i would even stop discussing about parenting being a parent in the near future.

Once we went for a trip to Al Ain Zoo with our neighbors (could be called as our relations too)The Place,where the Zoo is located was very vast and people are supposed to walk beyond the parking area. It was neither summer nor winter, but being a desert area, the temperature was not bearable. Our neighbors had a kid, that we all had shifts in lifting the kid for the entire place.At one point, i was very tired, i couldn't even walk, that i totally forgot about carrying him for the rest of the place. All i had in mind, was what would i do, if i have my own kid, in his place. I remember the kid's parents lifted him all through the zoo, while me and my husband at one point spoke about this straight to them.

He just answered the nature would provide you strength when you are made as a parent.(which is quite surprising but true - i believe)

Another instance i remember is a conversation between myself and my sister about my niece's behavior on seeing an ice cream parlor. My sister was forced to take her there out of embarrassment, for the way she screamed, in public to have them ; despite having a cold. I just suggested not to take her, however she screams in public and asked her not to consider that situation as an embarrassment. Well, as a third person, it is easy to say- what is right, but i wouldn't know what i would have done on such a situation.

Well, after thinking a lot - i understood a solution, if, my sister takes my niece continuously to the ice cream parlor(may be on a daily basis); there is a chance for her to reduce the craze of ice creams.

There are plenty of similar situations, we can go on discussing, probably this blog wouldn't be enough for a discussion on a very large scale.

All i would suggest and i wanted myself to follow as a parent is, reacting to children (would apply to elders as well) would never help solving issues. Problems would solve only on mere understanding of situations, and above all most things should be forgiven, sometimes not be remembered ever again.

The Real need, is we as parents should grow as well, along with our children in minds and should try to control it on being emotional on reacting to situations. A proper prayer or yoga would help us being better parents , even to our spouses, for that matter.

Would love to give myself and my husband an " all the best" for being good parents for our children.

Humility is all what humans need to be considered good by God

I remember one of the chapters in English in my lower grades, about a thief, who wept at the demise of his faithful dog. Well, the story concentrates on something else and now, i have something else to discuss.

The universe is created, in order and it is still existing in order, everything, every star, every planet, every meteoroid, the oceans here in earth, the seas, the mountains, the hills, the eco-system everything is in order, they exist in order. We live, thinking they will exist in order, we take everything for granted, thou we sin and do bad most of the time, to the earth and to its living creatures, be it human or animal.

Let's come to the thief - story again, being a thief, he has stolen, kidnapped, murdered - have done so many things which are bad. But when his only attachment, his dog, died - the human inside him came out and wept.

Every human, by creation is good, because he/she is been created by God, the most of all good, we know, we feel.

There are innumerable methods followed, by various religions thinking that they please the most super natural power through their sacrifices/prayers/the methods. Well, these methods are being followed (sometimes very strictly) for generations after generations. Does those prayers followed really pleases God???

Most of all, we discriminate people on the way they worship God. We criticize them for the way they follow. We hurt them, many times with our knowledge, sometimes without our knowledge for the practice, they follow.

Sometimes, we threaten people staying, unless they follow a particular method, they will not enter the eternal life after death.

People are confused, and many of them started following atheism, because of the followed traditional methods of searching God, does not seem to convince their inner soul/mind.

Does God really need all these strict practices we follow?
Does He really need so many discriminations among people, on the way they Search and Love and Serve God?
Does He really want us to threaten people about eternal life, that they may come and join a particular way of serving God?

I don't want to answer these questions, not that really i don't know, but i don't want to hurt anybody by the way i answer.

Because, whatever methods/ practice we follow, if we do bad to anybody of any religion, who are the least of people we know, we do not please God. We rather hurt Him.

Loving and Serving God, can also be done by loving our neighbors we know and having a fear for the Creator who created us, even before we are formed.

If we really want anybody to change, we should rather stay humble in all our activities and seek the creator's help in silence that if it were His will, let Him use us as an instrument to change whoever He wishes to change.
And we have no right to have credit for such a change in somebody else's life, because, The Creator is the one, who could make, change things, we could be the least of a nail, or a piece of wood in his work - that too only when he wishes.

Truth known to everyone - but have we realized its importance ?

There should have been controversies in the mind's of people, but many does not dare to come out and tell the world, that how could "cupid" play a role in an arranged marriage, where the groom decides to wed the bride on a single day at a mere look.

People have strongly been opposed, for letting the world know, that it is hard to decide as such, because for centuries this is the practice here in India,since people had proved to live happily with their better half, with the same arranged marriage.

Some traits and factors like the supposed behavior of the lady as per the culture, that is been taught to the Indian women, right from their childhood, have definitely contributed to the success of marriages in India.

On the other hand, marriages on understanding (I prefer to call this way instead of Love marriage)also has its own advantages, but many times, they fail, because understanding in the Indian scenario, never happens the right way. Mostly they would try and understand the person's likes and dislikes which they mention in slam books on the final day of school or college.

If asked, which is better - i probably will not have an answer, because the success of marriage does not depend on the type of marriage, we call - but the people involved in marriage and their dedication towards marriage.

Even if we like it or not, we have decided and promised before God, that we would love and keep him/her at happiness no matter how good /bad situation is. Hence, it is nothing wrong to love them abundantly and show them the love which we have at heart in all the ways we can. Love hided in mind, can never be understood.

We will not have / afford to have too many spouses (that is definitely not right)to let them assume things about their better half and situations. After all we have just one (no more spares), so how much should we take enough care to make them happy and satisfied in life.

One would consider a life worth living, if he/she considers his/her marriage successful. It is not only a responsibility of every spouse to make the other feel so, but if they cannot love and make their better halves happy, who else they can???
What can we give the world in return, for the time we spent here, resources we use, relationships we earn.... Just nothing....

Why not the true love which makes at-least our better-half have a life worth living?

Long live marriages!!! Let God be with all the married couples!!! Let Him bless them and grant their desires come True!!!

All Glory to God, who thought marriages are good and made man and woman live together as family.

Names, people, situations Forgotten or Forgiven????

Just like everybody, who is in their late 20's, i had a lovely childhood. I lived in a joint family, with my father's parents and siblings. Every Christmas, New-year, Easter week, is still refreshing. The festive mood and the number of people at home, though everyone liked it or not, was really a great time for we, children.

The preparations, be it cleaning or cooking, shopping or outing, it was wonderful. The World seemed more colourful, than it is now. Sinless life, with innocence, must have added colours, i believe. I still love the same T.nagar in early 1990's than it is now... don't know why, remembering the instructions from my aunts' "Watch out for stuff on roads - do not let your mind wander on things displayed"

My Grand Parents, both of them doesn't exist... For that matter, all four of them doesn't. Infact, Now, after getting married, i do have another four grand parents, but, even they don't exist.

Two years, after my grand mom's death, we all had her photographs in our houses - i mean my dad's house, my aunt's house.To be very frank, her face, should probably be the face i would have seen most of my early stages of life. Now after 14 years, her face seem to be vanishing from my mind, definitely not the thoughts. My grand pa, died recently after i got married, still everything is the same, except for that matter, now i live with my husband.

I understand, it is definitely not a condition to be pitied, for the nuclear families we have now, as everybody desires to have one and live their life to the fullest. But to my children, they will know their parents, their traits, characters, they will know their grand parents too. But how about their great grand parents??? May be i would try and make sure that i let them know who their great grand parents are, what their names are and where they lived.

But beyond that, i may not be able to tell them. For that matter, they would know more about "Akbar the Great", "Hitler" and "Gandhiji - Father of our Nation". Also more about " Rajnikanth - the Superstar" and "Kamal Hasan - The Great Actor"

All i realize, all of us existing now would be forgotten, by the next coming
4 - 5 th generations, just as how employees who are fired,are just not remembered by a time period of 5 years.

Some traits might be remembered, but the person, who had that trait might be forgotten. Good, even if we could bring such a trait/ character/ any good thing to this world. I believe that would be worth living a life here in this world. May be that could rightly be the purpose for your /(our) creation.

I always have a habit of remembering people of my past, be they exist or not - pray for them or their souls and feel that it is to be forgiven whenever, you(I am) are forgotten, that it is nothing new, that people does including me and you, who reads this.