Stop cursing yourself - it Will not help!!!!

Of several years, i had been cursing myself for all my mistakes i had done. I count my blessings and my curses. It was like, whatever i get good things, it was because of my good deeds and whatever bad i get , it was beacuae of my bad deeds.

Ofcourse, i would ask God for forgiveness for my sins, yet will carryon my sins in my shoulders. Now after completing quarter century, my invisible bag is too heavy, even though the addition to my bag was less in the past 2 years.

I wonder how this attitude came into me, but i feel it from the day i know who i am. Every single situation that is a challenge, I react. I just can't be present in the place, where i feel i cannot tolerate(not even a minute). My entire physical body will support my soul, so that whenever, situation occurs which i think, i cannot bear..... I go terribly sick. I will gain someone's attention (who is usually a big person - either by age/ position). I never had the guts to say the truth, rather will show the situation and the way i'm affected by the situation.

I am lucky enough to get people, who had understood me in my past years - they probably would help me come out of my situations.

In the contrary, there were many things which i thought i could do it and i do it. It had amazed a lot of people. People come, they tell me you are really bold.

Marriage, it is different in everybody's view, to me, it had taught so many lessons. My married life is beautiful (but it is not always, just like everybody ;)--) May be, it had made me think something different about myself. I carried my invisible guilt bags quite a few months even after my marriage. But now if i had to carry, then i will have to carry two bags, including my husband's.

Infact in many of our conversations, i had mentioned that, it did not happen beacuse of my guilty bags - being so heavy. Often my husband replies, it's because of his bag that , it did not happen....

Some day it striked my stupid mind ; that to those to whom it happens, they don't have guilty bags????

Some people are really good, yet they have only challenges in life and no comforts!!! (what happened to my theory of guilty beautiful invisble bags????)

I rather learn't something new that the good deeds did not happen to me because i did not wait patiently, till the time the challenge is completed to follow it by the good deeds.... and not because of my invisible bags. I react and escape from the challenge and how could i expect my good deeds to be done without that.

Infact, my invisible bags were thrown somewhere farrrrrr....... as i feel bad about guilts and get our Lord's forgiveness. But i had been searching, for those thrown invisible bags and find it to carry it in my back all these years .

From now, i believe.... I will walk freely without my ("stupid") bags. And i would face the challenge till the time it is over and will be ready to face my good deeds.

Taxi drivers in Dubai

Taxi's in Dubai work almost for 24 hours. They are basically reliable. Anytime a lady can hire a taxi and reach the destination. No matter where the drivers are from, they behave properly.

Since, we rely on taxi's as the means of transport, me and my husband had lot of conversations regarding drivers, the time we hire the taxi.... as it determines the time we reach the destination. I remember my husband telling stories about the availablity of taxi a year back in Dubai. Some times, they had the experience of waiting for hours for a taxi... now we are waiting only for minutes after depression. But one solid factor - taxi's in Dubai is costly - Yet the best and conveinent source of transport here in Dubai .

Taxi Drivers are of various ages, various nationalities, various attitudes.... Yet they all have something in common.... They all are hard working... Blood sweated salaried people. Infact, everyone working here are here to mint money and reach our homes with some investments.

I had seen drivers who speak real good English, yet they are drivers (I think why, dont they work elsewhere). I had seen drivers who are older than 65- 70 with some sickness. (I wonder, why they work so hard at this age - may be to get their daughters married) I had seen drivers who are new (Mostly with them I'll have a quarrel ;)----- ) I had seen drivers very responsible (Trying to meet customers necessity of time - in case the customer needs to go fast, yet safely). All these are my experiences within 4 months.

Infact, it is because of the taxi driver, my notion towards our neighbouring friends (they live to othe left side of Kashmir) had changed. Thanks to that driver. Once i asked the driver to go straight, he heard it as right--- oops i traveled for another 20 minutes (paid 12 Dhirams extra for his mistake) , that was the time i was in a hurry to school; so the way i shouted at him, as if he is my family member -- my GOD... he has to forgive me. (he didn't even spoke a word back). While i said, I'm sorry i was in a hurry-- and i should have reached there before 10 minutes -- i'm late, i had to face the concequences -- which made me bahave so hard -- at the time i paid him.

Another experience i had, when i appeared for an interview in Oxford school. I told him at the time of getting inside the taxi, that i don't know where i had to go except these. (The Oxford school, Al Quasis, near the LuLu Village - near to Sharjah). So he asked for my mobile to enquire the route to his crew. He got clear instructions from them. Then he started. In the middle of the way, he was stuck again, so he called again his crew and got the same set of instructions. After that he kept on coming in round , the same road 4 times. It was Al Quasis.

But he missed the way. So i called the madam incharge, of the school and she gave clear instructions. Even after that he didn't know where he is supposed to go. It was 9.45. My interview time was 9. I stared by 8.15. The madam incharge had told me that the travel time should be around 40 minutes, and it would charge something around 35 dhirams.

It was 47 dhirams at that time. and all i had in hand was only 100 dhirams. I had to come back. So i said, you drop me here. I will manage to go. I don't have money to pay you more than this. He asked- madam do you know the place? I said no! But atleast now i had to go home. So I'm leaving!!! - He said madam please bear with me for sometime and you need not pay me more than this. but wait for another 5 minutes. God was gracious.... I saw the board stating "The Oxford School" at a distance. It was 51 dhirams that time. So i said stop, now i know how to go. (Though i don't know actually how to go). He stopped the meter, it suddenly stated 121. I gave him 51 dhirams and started moving. He said madam - its sharjah so its 121(the place was near sharjah, but not sharjah) . I said - i only have this much - i gave you and started walking. He left the place.

But, since i was in tension - i shouted at him - but he didn't even understood a word. So i clicked the disatisfied button in all the cases. Poor man -- I only pray that he should not lose his job, because of customer's feedback like me. Actually he was kind enough... still my tension made me do so... I feel sorry for him....

Now just like my husband, i even pray after stepping out of the taxi that they should find someone hiring the taxi, as an entire family in their home are living out of their blood sweated salary.