26 years 2 months and 24 days old, i have become. I don't remember what exactly happened in the first two years of my life. Then i remember life guided by elders till some grade 9 or so. (i.e) under full control of parents. My Family had so many assumptions about myself during that time. it was all true.
Few examples like:
Anisha was extremely slim
Anisha memorise her lessons
Arithmetic was extremely difficult for Anisha
Anisha was innocent etc.
Another important fact was... ( Anisha had no confidence and Anisha had inferiority complex), which i doubt if they know / not?
Few years later, not more than two years, I felt something was triggering me, kind of pulling factor (could be a a couple of wordings like "failure is a step to success") - I developed interests in studies, extra curricular activities. My Family recognized myself then as
Anisha works hard
Anisha wants to prove herself etc.
That was also the time, i felt so very confused except for the fact that i got to study and move up towards my career.
For another 3 to 5 years, apart from my studies and discipline by order (nothing was practiced, so nothing was in order) i was even more confused. Actually speaking i did not have any idea, what i was striving for, yet my struggles were too much (sometimes for no reason).
Until i finished college, i was living in a fake world. To be very frank, i was like water - if u pour into the cup, it looks in the shape of a cup and will be the colour of the cup. i had no personalized ideas, except for a very few.
All i could see was i kept changing as surroundings changes. And all my life my surroundings were changing once in (probably)every two years. I did not (and i could n't) stick with a set of close friends, as everything was changing. It looked as if nothing was permanent and knowingly and unknowingly i had a set of close friends everywhere, with whom i couldn't stay in touch for long.
Lucky that my family did not recognize me fully. If they had, they would have been worried for my unusual confusions.
Thanks to God, I started working.... And to work, one personally should need a character to describe and fit oneself in a required position. My first job wasn't a great success. I hardly felt comfortable there and i couldn't even let them know about my difficulty. All of a sudden i vanished from the office.
My second job was challenging and i liked it. It gave me a shape in character. (Ofcourse my stay in my aunt Uncle's place did changed me) I was able to tell i need this and i don't need something else and so. I worked there for around 2.6 years. That was where i decided how should my partner be. That was where i started my first conversation with my husband. (he was not my colleague, but my very long distant relative)
My third job was cute and interesting, it was just the way i liked and love to work. Work and challenges became my hobbies there. My family recognized me very differently that time.
I don't know , they could be right for their assumptions.
I was strong.
I was able to decide
I was able to convince
I was patient and i learned to listen
I was beautiful and i realized it for the first time in my life.
I was married when i was working with my third company. I let my Husband decide my life and career for sometime, until he understood me properly.
Life looked fresh and new, as if i was born again. i was 25 then, yet i knew nothing. When a new dress is worn for the first time, it will stay with the body, as we like. Our eyes will be closed, until the dress seems to be new. but when it becomes little old, we will actually know real the quality of the dress. And my life is no exception.
Thanks to God!!! Without his blessings, i would not got a life like what i have got.
Though we both had difficulties in accepting negatives attitudes, love did play a good role. i felt God between us many times. My attitudes were changing little by little just as my face. My family now could only see me in photos and in my vacation. I wonder what could be their assumptions. Yet i know something about myself now
- I have added on weight, i am no more a girl, but a lady.
- I am able see things straight and think straight
- I have no disturbances in mind , may be because of that i am teaching arithmetic now (tough challenges are there even now, yet the way i see it has become different)
- i am not at all downcast
- My trust in God and the next person has increased - Lord is my provider and it shall be provided to me.
- My thought about everyday is changed, everyday is a gift and i am living it.
- I wanted to add something more to my career, expecting something from God as well.
- I am thinking twice before criticizing my husband, and even if i do, i am not forgetful to convince him soon after the fight - i will not reduce if i start to tell sorry first, to put a stop for the argument.
I wanted to live for at least another 25 years in this world and i wanted see myself becoming good and clear in thoughts each day.
I know i am travelling towards the betterment of life and i also remember my promise - everyday i will become Good and i will die as a good soul.
